On the Eve of Change (Food for Thought)

There are so many things we may ask for, careerwise, relationships, money. Are we really ready though to receive these things? This is something that is on my mind very strongly these days as at any moment I will thrust into the very thing I have always wanted. I am in touch with a couple different execs, and some very notable producers. I will be working in New York with one of these producers very soon. Just the other day Rodney Jerkins sent me his address to send my package. They say God has a plan for your life and you just have to walk a charted path. If you feel like you are going against the grain maybe you aren't doing what you should be because when it's God's plan everything just falls into place. I didn't realize they meant it literally falls into place. Of course I had to study my craft for years, perfect my talent, practice, practice, practice, and continue to develop and grow. But now that it is my season all I am doing is obeying God's inclination and he's placing me in the right place at the right time. It feels weird to sit back and watch your life take off in front of you. So many of us think we have to be the pilot and control everything. Everyday my gratitude is tripled because I dont feel like I'm doing enough to deserve HIs blessings. Then I am reminded that because of mercy I don't have to do anything! HALLELUJAH! At the same time it takes incredible faith to walk by instructions give to you as you walk. It feels weird to sit back and watch your life take off in front of you. So many of us think we have to be the pilot and control everything. But I am a passenger on the plane called Tiffany's Life and God is flying the plane. It's the weirdest feeling. Are you ready for that feeling? I mean are you really ready? I ask my opening question again: We ask for many things but are we really ready to receive them?

MY ROOKIE OF THE YEAR HUSBAND!

First of all I want you to know that I am totally cheesing while posting this one! I was just watching NBA Inside Stuff, (my second favorite sports show after Quite Frankly) for those of you who don't know, I am totally in love with Emeka Okafor of the Charlotte Bobcats! (The cheese just got stronger, dang!) Anyway they were behind the scenes at training camps. I GOT TO SEE MY BOO! (I really did just scream that out fyi) Just hearing him speak so eloquently and using his good ol vocabulary, cause he actually graduated from Uconn with a degree in Finance (just like me), got me feeling all tingly inside. Intellingence is so incredibly sexy. Something about a man who is intelligent and not ashamed of it makes me want to marry him right on the spot.
Back from the sidebar though really I have to meet him and we have to get married and start the Okafor clan. I'm ready! Interesting Part: I AM SO SERIOUS! Hey if I can aim highwith regards to my career and wanting to be an entertainer, I can aim high with wanting such a fabulous man to be my husband. And when i become famous in like two minutes, it won't be so silly for me to like him anymore. I'm telling you when I get out there, the first event that I know we will both be at, I'm going to be dressed to the nines. I'm gonna drink my Brave-Aid and put the mack down. I know he would like me too cause I'm me. Sike no but really I think he and I would be great together. Even my father really likes him. That is major trust me.
Mark my word November 29th Tiffany said she was going to marry Emeka Okafor. You can quote me at our wedding. Some people who are married to their famous husbands now said they would marry them and they did. Sarita Jakes had her eye on Bishop, Katie Holmes had a crush on Tom Cruise. There are many others. I will be added to this list one day, TRUST, as Mrs. Okafor.

Gobble Gobble Gobble

I'm sitting here thinking about thanksgiving tomorrow and I can't even believe it's tomorrow. It will feel like a regular day, minus the opportunity to experience some of the best food all year and be totally gluttonous with no shame. Family, food, fellowship, all things that made every holiday special to me as a child. Now the family I can leave or take, the food I can get anytime, the fellowship, same as the family. (I know sorry to hear that right.) Is this what growing up is? People always talk about the loss of innocence from childhood to adulthood. I always thought about the hardships they had to endure, the harsh truths they had to face. I never thought about the small stuff like precious small things losing their once sweet savour. As a child I looked forward to birthdays, family gatherings, receiving presents, any big family dinner. The more time together, the better. Now tomorrow I plan on getting their at dinner time and leaving when I'm done eating and chilling for a little bit. This just affirms my thought that it's sad that children have to grow up and one day feel like this :(

Darkest Before the Dawn!

They say it's darkest before the dawn.
I am now discovering this statement in the fullness of its meaning.
I can see the bright future that God has promised me but I guess I have to experience a certain amount of trials and pain before I can get there.
They say that if you get a blessing too soon it's a curse because you are not able to handle the weight of it.
It's amazing how even something good can destroy you if you are not ready to handle everything that comes with it.
Everyone who knows me knows that I long and ache to be a professional recording artist.
Sometimes it seems like it will never happen though I know it will.
"WAlk by faith, not by sight."
Easier said than done!
It's like when you are told it's gonna be warm today so you walk outside in a tank and feel 20 degree winds blowing on your bare skin and you're trying to picture the warmth you were promised, while yet shivering.
This is an illustration of how I feel.

WHERE'S THE ABUNDANT LIFE I WAS PROMISED!
It's gotta be somewhere Lord?
I feel like I'm in a cocoon.
I went in a caterpillar and I'm coming out a beautiful butterfly;
But in the meantime I'm in the cocoon trying to flap my wings and flexing my muscles.
The walls of the cocoon are holding me in so tight and each contraction causes grave pain, but is necessary.
I am not able to burst free so I stay inside, the very place I need to be but yet dreaming about the outside makes me able to stay in here.
Not understanding that being confined to these walls is making me stronger than every before.
It's making me wiser than ever before.
It's making me mature.
It's also preparing me for the loneliness of being at the top because no one else can fit in this cocoon with me.
I must reside here alone.

My eyes are being prepped to handle the glare of the beauty and brightness I'm about to see.
And as I explore the world my wings won't get tired because of the excruciating refinement.
In my cocoon I grow and push as it hurts like pain I've never known.
In this lonely, long, dark, and dismal place,
Waiting until I break the shell of preparation in the dawn I was promised.